Its Raining..

Now I'm at one of my cousin stall/shop, to buy Burger.. Its raining here tonight.
Its 8:31p.m, i wrote this down early before I actual publish this post.
I got something in my mind.. It so confusing. So complicate.
Not to mention that I woke up late today. I sleep at 12 midnight but woke up late at 4p.m. Luckily that no one mad at me for waking up late.

4 February 2013 , 9:25p.m.
Tonight was a boring night.. Like usual, nothing special happen.
Now, I'm sitting infront of the stair.. Doing nothing. My mom, grandma and sister are in the kitchen..
What else would they do if it wasn't cooking..
My sister are preparing all the ingredient need for tomorrow lunch at her workplace.

I felt so lonely.. Living in the corner of my life.
So useless.. I wish my life was like anime, many exciting thing could happen. There are friends when we need, the environment fill with laughter and joke. Friendship bond are strong.
A moment ago when I was in the bathroom.. That feeling happen again.. The feeling to be able to fly.
We had been living on the ground for more than a thousand year now, maybe it is time for us to go up. Living in the sky, watching the ground from a high place.. Touching the cloud and see the birds. Feel the wind..

5 February 2013, 8:00p.m (GMT+8)
* well.. atleast I try my best to smile
again..
Got to admit.. I had been living in this
dark life for a long time now..
The sun seem to distract me all the time.
I dont really feel comfort for sometime.
The dark a windy night.. was so
comfortable.
I can't sleep last night.. as usual..
I dont sleep at night.
I feel comfortable last night. The
situation and environment last night
was so awesome.

Weird feeling..

Since the back if these day.. I always feel like I want to cry.. But on the other side, I dont really want to.. Its too much pain..
This feeling had been hurting me for so long, it like that something missing..
I always think about people lost their love one.. Their friends.. Family and other..
This night I try to shout my feeling really hard but it seem nothing working..
Even when I was writting this, I feel like i want to cry.. What has gone in to me?
Am I getting crazy? I do feel lonely.. No one to laugh with.. Sing with.. Play with.. No one right now.  They all seem so busy..

I wish this feeling immediately disappear.. I dont like it. Its haunt me.

8:02P.M , 31 Jan 2013 Sarawak.

Heyy... Its me again.. Well, I dont know what to talk about.. I'm getting worst. I rarely talk to anyone.. If they ask, I answer.. If they don't, I just keep quiet.

Now I'm outside with my friend, just a lot we talk. Just sit here and relax. I ask my sister to buy me two Reload Card so I could purchase another RM5 Daily broadband.

Last night, I have been surfing the internet to find an operate chat room in Japan. Find some but no one seem to reply, or maybe the site had been down for a long time ago. Well, i think its time for me to find another chat room.
I do have some friends from another country other than Malaysia. But lost contact. So, I want to start it all over again, begin with Japan. Maybe with that, I could learn more of their culture and language.. I had been dreaming to go to Japan since I was small.
I also admire to find a wife there but.. I forget about it.. There is no luck.

What left for me now is find a job, work hard if my salary are good i will be saving it until it is enough for me to go to Japan. Having a nice day or maybe work there. Living in a happy life, meeting new friends, having fun.
Wish that all of this might be come tru one day.

*Roses are red, The sky were blue.
*Wishing that someday, My dream come true.

Where the moon..

Early post..
Tuesday, 29/01/2013. 8:18p.m..

Heyy.. Its me again, Ace.. Crying alone out side the house. Well, it looks kinda weird when a boy like me crying by himself without any reason..
This is who I'am.. Just another weak person. I don't know what got in to me right now.
Sometime, I cry when I start to think, people lost their loved one.. Gone, disappear from their life or might be never come back.
I keep on crying, crying and crying.
I wish these feeling would gone, but at the same time.. I dont want to.

Now my family had some money crisis.. My mom run a small shop to help our family wether my father keep working hard to find money.. My three sister are working, but me.. Useless.. I think I'm not ready yet to work.. I know it sound stupid but I still want to study.. Dont know why.. But some how I want to go studying in Japan.. Academy? University or maybe something that involve studying?
I know in my age. I should have been working right now, searching a job.
Well, I'm only 17 waiting for my age to turn 18 this year.

Is there any opportunity for me?

P/S: Magic isn't just glass and smoke. Its your eyes..

*Watching the moon.. Feel want to fly again.

Self-depress . Confusing.

In the back of these day.. I had this one feeling..
Sadness .. I try to drop all of my tears, spread it out.. I just want to feel how to cry again. But the tears just keep on stuck in my eyes.. Try to cry as hard as I can..

What is my purpose of living?
I had been thinking of may thing these day.. And one of it are.. Flying up high onto the sky.. Flapping my wings next to the bird.. Watching the ground from the view that not all people could watch..
Admire the nature and peaceful environment.. For a devil like me.. I need peaceful too.. Stay outside the darkness.. Inhale and exhale the fresh air.. Watching the beauty of the world..
Touch the cloud..
One day.. My wing will grow.. I will fly.
It just the matter of time.. But if i failed. Maybe my destiny was just on the ground and not the sky.. Thats might be my purpose..

*even without wing.. You could still sore.

My though..

Heyy... Its me again.. Eddie..
I always been so busy this lately..
For the matter of fact, I want to tell you guys something.. About, what is my dream.. Thats haunt me a long time ago.
I know that no one is reading this . And no one even care about this.. But.. I dont know to who I should talk about this.. I sure got one person.. A special one.. A girl.. I share a lots of thing with here, but not yet my dream..
I don't know wether this is a dream, or just another joke of my live that will still haunt me forever.. I have been stucked inside the cage for so long.. Waiting..and waiting.. For some day that I will finally free and could flap my wing high..

My dream was... To fly.. Fly high to the sky..
It must be awesome if I could fly like a birds.. See the beautiful azure sky.. Fly next to the birds.. Watching the ground from the sky...

I watched Air-Gear.. And that anime really burn up my spirit.. Damn I really wish that I could fly..
I have heard many news from the fan and other people.. Some of them are trying to make an A.Ts.. So we could all fly and fight watch the sky. On that second, I was really happy.. Wish that it could really been done.. But, until now. No one even manage yet to built one..
So I gather up my spirit.. Stay strong. Because someday... I will fly.. And in that time, my small wing will grow bigger.. Until it is big enough to carry me. Fly and reach the sky..

"There is not impossible, as long as we keep up trying.."

I wish I could fly..

Some how.. I wish I had a real wing..
I wish I could fly.. Flapping my wing high and reach the sky..
How ever.. This is just a dream.. A dream of a nerd kid with no bright future..
Although people said, dream sometime could be real..
I don't really know wether that my dream of being able to fly high reach into the sky with my own wing would turn out to be coming true...
I wish... I just wish.. that some day.. Some how.. Any how.. I will fly!!!

*I will reach the sky..

Another early post..

19/1/2013 1:47a.m
Early status..

Hayy.. Its me again, Eddie..
At the back of these day.. My live feel . So . Un-organize..
I seldom talk.. Silent.. Rarely Laugh, Smile or walk..
Since my last day at school after SPM, I just sit down.. Rest at home.. Waiting for my "call" to comfront my next task for my maybe bright or dark future.. Although I already know.. The darkness always surround me in any how or any way.. I dont know whether I was born to be like this? Or I was born to fight it?
Now or Never.. I think its time for me to move on..
To a life that.. Promise for a good day.. A good future..

This few day of harshness, quiet  and dull life.. Make me wonder..
Whats come next? What am I doing? What am I supposed to do? What is my point of life?
Should I find my path? Or the path find me?
Like the old folk use to say, If you wait so long, it will go.. But if you chase them. The probability of winning, neither you could decided..
First, I dont really understand what was the really meaning if it.. It was like a puzzle.. Or more to a poetry that giving a clue for a game..

2:14a.m...
Its getting late now.. But I still hasn't sleep yet..
I keep thinking of something.. Something that even myself don't know what it is.. Should I go find a physcology expert or a doctor to explain my status?
Or should I just explain it myself?

So long.. So bored..

I haven't been updated anything so interesting .
But, It will be someday. Wait until I found the right topic.